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I get asked a lot of questions about dating but I felt the easiest way to start a series of posts addressing dating was to say: You need to go into dating with a reasonable level of trust and self-esteem.Let’s imagine that you go through life and engaging with people that you have just met and don’t know enough about them to know exactly how much you can trust them, it’s best to have reasonable level of trust and increase or roll back accordingly based on your interactions with them. If you imagine that the idea of dating is about discovering other people and seeing how much you ‘click’ and whether you have enough going on to forge a relationship, this period is for you to learn about one another…even if what you learn is bad news.

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If you do these things as a basic, it won’t be a hardship to do and you’ll filter the information naturally and process the signals.

You cannot make the decision that you’re in a relationship until you’ve gone beyond the point of seeing past attraction, appearance, chemistry, and common interests, to whether you have shared .

It is a fact finding phase where when you get involved with someone, you go in with a reasonable level of trust and then use your discoveries like an internal system of checks and balances.

You go in with your eyes and ears open and your feet on the ground and as you engage and interact with them, using your boundaries, values, and awareness, you either increase your level of trust because their words and actions match up and you feel good within the relationship, or you decrease your level of trust because you get signals and evidence that show that the basic level of trust you date with is misplaced with this person.

’ Unfortunately, we don’t all date for the same reasons.

Some people date because they are genuinely looking for a relationship. Some people date to get laid and they pretend that they want more so that they don’t endanger the possibility of getting laid.This is why you shouldn’t be so committed to a relationship you don’t have yet because if the ‘feedback’ is ‘Abort mission!Back away from the target and abort mission’, if you’re too invested, you’ll think ‘Yeah.I love him! And this one time in bandcamp he said he was going to marry me and take me on a cruise!You’ll only find out if you have shared values and a foundation of care, trust, and respect that can lead to love in a loving relationship if you take the time to get to know the person in the reality for who they are.You cannot do this if you’re already in lala land building sandcastles in the sky betting on potential or building a fake future with someone in spite of the fact that they don’t back up their words with actions. There’s the initial dates where really, you’re finding out if you want to take the time to continue getting to know one another.Some people date because they’re afraid to be alone.

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